Today has been one the rare days of my life. I have experienced emotion I thought I was devoid of, for all these years. I experienced love. No, not romantic love, its love for the world and I was able to empathise with all the suffering the humanity has been thorough.
I was watching a movie in the afternoon, and out of nowhere the character finds himself in a serene landscape of mountains and a small village. When I saw that, I couldn’t stop myself from crying my eyes out. I couldn’t stop myself, the beauty was so overwhelimg that I just couldn’t stop until the another scene was played. I cannot believe it even after many hours now, I have for the first time in forever, felt love, the pain of losing what was once beautiful.
It was last year, in september, that I first really wanted to know about world war 2. I had come across “World War 2 in color” documentary. I was never really interested in history before that day, I casually watched the show, completed it the same day, and I was never the same since. I wanted to know more and more. The more I learnt of what happened, the more I was drawn to the history. With every story I learn, it only broke my heart.
My interest in ww2 wasn’t political or to prove that if “Hitler did nothing wrong”. My only reason was to understand the suffering of people. When innocent people die as a consequence of hatred for the group they belong to, its always sad and also the countless number of animals that died.
In my months of learning about the history, I have spent time looking at the beautiful European landscapes, cities and villages. I love how beautiful Europe was and still is. Such beautiful world and yet evil exists, it pains me deeply. Subconsciously, I have associated all the pain with the landscapes. And that is why, the moment I saw the scene with similar landscape, I just couldn’t stop crying, all the emotions I have felt throughout learning about the war hit me at once.
I find myself often questioning if I really could feel emotions, I had no response when I was watching, say, a death scene in a movie. It is detached and I have nothing of value that I lost to feel any empathy for the characters. But, having spent months learning the war and suffering, the same scenes that once left me unfazed, put me in a much different emotional state. By spending a lot of time understanding and empathizing with the pain of war, I was able to actually feel genuine love for something, pain for people. This motivates me to not give up on reading fiction genre books, I know for a fact that it will help me find a way to let out my emotions and feel better.